Toxic Culture

Toxic. A simple word that has been spreading this decade. We have toxic relationships, friendship, and traits. What makes something toxic? Basically, anything that keeps you in a negative state of mind. Some examples for a toxic relationship could be a controlling lover, an abuser, a liar, a manipulator, or a user. Why people can’t get out these relationships is being the toxic giver poisoned their mentality that makes then feel reliant on the other one. They wear them down to the point where they feel useless without them. Others may say just leave but it is easier said than done. The victim thinks they need the toxic person because they feel stuck there. Like, they have no place to go and can’t achieve anything else or do anything without them. Your brain can only take so much toxicity eventually you’ll end up dead either for real or mentally.

Toxic friends are tricky because we have the tendency to make excuses like we’ve been friends for years or I don’t want to break the friend group. What makes a friend toxic? They can’t really abuse you. But, toxicity is all about mentality. Ask yourself this. Do you have to act like someone else with this friend? Do you feel they ask for favors but can’t help you when you need them? Do they have to competitive with you? If you answer yes to any of these, you might a have a toxic friend. The best solution is to reflect on your friendship and see if they value you as much as you value them. Don’t reflect on the number of years you known then or how your other friends are friends with them.

The last toxic culture is yourself. Accurately, what toxic traits do you have that may affect yourself or others around you. A great example is peer pressuring other in activities that they don’t want to participate in. Another example could be being pessimistic. Ask yourself if your actions or behavior affects others moods. If they do, how can you change it.

Happy LGBTTQQIAAP Pride Month and How Companies Took Advantage

4 years since gay marriage has been legal across the entire United States. The first state being Massachusetts back in 2003. There is a long ways to go because there is still homophobia, transphobia, other countries where gay marriage is illegal, gay conversion therapy, stoning, and more. This is why we need to continue the fight. Companies like Nike, Zales, Target, and Tiffany Co has displayed their support of the community for a while. Featuring same sex couples on advertisements or have some of the profits go to donations. These are wonderful ways to help make different sexualities normals. However, I was browsing through various stores like Marshalls, Kohls, and TJ Maxx and I noticed that they had a Gay pride collection. At first, I thought wow this nice seeing that they have a small section for the community. It shows that they support us. Nike, Zumiez, and Converse were showcasing their new rainbow collection. Then it hit me. They are using this month as a marketing tool. Don’t get me wrong, most if not all of these companies have good intentions for having gay themed related clothing and support our communities. I have a fear that companies are using this month as a cash grab. Most people assumption is hey they have gay pride stuff here so this means that they support the community. I’ll buy a shirt from this multimillion dollar company. A better way to help support the cause is to go to the LGBT Center. They always accept donation of any amount. Companies may say that 10% or 25% of the profits will be going to the donations. But, if you break the percentage, the shirt cost $10. The cost to make that shirt was $1 and after all the fees and labor cost. The profit of that shirt would be $4. 10% of that is 40 cents! But, if 100,000 people bought a shirt then the donation would be $40,000. How about if we donate $10 to the local LGBT center and that would be a million dollars. These companies are trying to say hey we support this community so give us money. Like I said, it just feels like a cash grab for people that want to dress up in rainbow colors. Remember, sexual orientation does not equal personality. If I wear active wear, I’m going to wear active wear to pride. I don’t need to wear a rainbow themed coloring because that is not who I am.

I know that people will not know where their money goes after purchasing said item. The main problem is that companies are really exploiting this time of month to get a cash grab. I am not judging people that buy the clothing because they are showing pride for the group. They want to display it during the month. That brings to the other problem. Pride parades are slowing becoming like St. Patricks day. Another excuse for people to drink and party without acknowledging the main purpose. I want people to know the main message of the pride parties or parades. No one should be ashamed about who they truly are. Now, it feels like people just want another day to drink and dance. It’s a day that we are standing up to make this community a social norm. It’s okay for people to celebrate but is it really a celebration without knowing the reason why we celebrate.

What can we do to help this community? There are a few great ways to help. The first one is to not fall for the merchandise. I love design but I wish this color theme can be more than the gay color scheme. Donate to the community directly. You don’t need to allow giant corporations to do the donating for you. You can research if there are any LGBT centers that need donations. Support with love. Be happy for family and friends that are out and proud. And be comforting towards the ones that are finding themselves. Pride parades and parties overall message is that people should be themselves and should not be afraid to show. It’s not another day to party. But overall have fun celebrating and be safe. In conclusion, our goal is to help make this community a norm in our lives to the point where its normal for a child to have 2 dads or 2 moms. There should be no shock value. We need to make sure we are stepping in the right direction.

Talkative Tuesday: Online Dating Cleanse

Online dating has slowly became the easiest way to find dates, and I am always for technology advancing to great lengths. What I have learned with these dating applications is quite a few lesson.

Bumble. Declared to be the best dating application for people looking for a great relationship. I believe it because the guys on the application are more relationship oriented. The first application that required a verification photo and filled with questions as ice breakers. My experience on Bumble was a boring experience. The guys on there were genuine but flakey. I do not like to wait for a guy to respond to me for a week to give me a reason why they could make it. We are adults, and they should not be afraid of rejection or hurting someone’s feelings. I have thick skin, and I don’t get offended easily. Guys may think they are doing us a favor by ignoring us, but they are making the situation worst in my opinion. Bumble may be a boring experience, but it was the best experience so far.

Tinder is where the iconic swipe left comes from. Easiest way to match with people with minimal effort. To me, this is an app where looks is more important than personality. The Netflix and chill definitely rooted from this app. If you are a type where you are looking for a deep connection, look somewhere else for that connection. Guys in here want to get to the point or play the game of cat and mouse. I rate this app a decent app for mature minded people, but amazing for college people that are shy. My experience was average, but I could do way better.

Last app is the worst app of them all. Grindr. This application is great for emotional manipulation, lustful people, liars, highly defensive people, toxic men, bored people, careless boys, childish men, cheaters, and many more. I hate this application. It was the worst. The men are cold, rude, annoying, and pretentious. They really have to get off their high horse and realize they are on the same application like everyone else. The reason why I didn’t leave sooner was because I thought this was the only way to meet someone for a hook up, date, hangout, or love without embarrassing myself by hitting on a straight man. The application made me think this is the best and ONLY way to meet love. In the past, I deleted the app but not the profile. I always thought well if this doesn’t work out then I’ll go back on grindr. My excuses were I have some guys on there I still chat with, it’s the best way to know if some is interested in men, it has good people on there, and so on. I did not realize that this app was toxic to my mentality. It made me believe love is just around the corner, the guy you saw in the store might be gay, or that online dating is for everyone. I could go on hours, but overall worst application. If you think love can happen in minutes, it doesn’t. I’m not saying to delete all the application for dating. I am saying that the app may not be as glamorous as advertised. There is nothing better than meeting your future lover in a place you love like a game, restaurant, the gym, or a dog park.

What I learned from each of these apps are valuable. Grindr taught me that true happiness starts with you. You can only get as much love as much as you love yourself. We cannot rely on someone else to make us purely happy. Tinder taught me that looks aren’t everything and if the person only care about your looks and don’t compliment on anything else, leave them be and know that you are amazing inside and out. Bumble taught me that quality guys can still have the same habits as terrible men. We do not deserve someone who makes us compromise everything.

Take care y’all. And love yourself and improve everyday.

Thoughtful Thursday What to do when you are single on Valentine’s day?

Love is in the air….

For other people, but let’s not think of the negative on this day. What are some positive actions you can do that can show love and compassion when you are single?

Tell your friends and family that you cherish them.

Valentine’s day may be known for love, but who says love has to be exclusively for your significant lover. A simple text saying, “I am glad we met and I wanted to say Happy Valentine’s day!” can go a long way.

Make a list of why you love yourself

There is only one of you and that is what makes the world so beautiful. It may sound strange or egotistical to make a list of why you love yourself, but you are the only person that can make yourself truly happy. You deserve self love.

Do something you love

The night of possibilities are endless. Go to your favorite restaurant, enjoy a nice stroll, go to the dog park, cook your favorite meal, or start a new adventure. You will never know what will happen.

Explore some local events

Check out your community to see if there are some singles mixers, movie night, or parties. Not everyone is married or has a partner, so these events are great to meet new people.

Treat your pet/s out

Our little companions have been with us through thick and thin. Why not show them a little appreciation with a nice meal or toy. Give them plenty of love too.

Enjoy yourself

Don’t dwell on the past that will bring you down. Think of the past as an experience. You can make a new memories and enjoy your life with yourself. Get a nice massage, haircut, or enjoy your guilty pleasures.

How do you spend Valentine’s day? I usually spend it by doing art pieces.

Happy Thoughtful Thursday!